Praise Him in the hallway!

I apologize for not blogging for a while.  I have been pondering, thinking, praying, and trying to figure things out.  Yes, us women do a lot of that.  And as a military wife after what still feels like a fairly recent move, I have been doing quite a bit of it that last couple of weeks.  Feeling both up and down in my feelings, my thoughts, and my prayers.  We move and we move a lot.  We have maybe stayed in the same location for 2 years, maybe close to 3 years a time or two.  A year or less a few times.  You know, the moves where you don't take out of boxes what you really don't need and can live without. This time should be our last military move or it could be close to the last.  We never really do know in the military if it will be for any certain length of time when we get our orders to move to a new location.  There is always an adjustment time, and yes, even an adjustment to moving right back to the very same place, as we have even done that before as well.  Moving back to Fort Leavenworth, KS after having lived there for a year previously and having grown up an hour from there, one would only think that it would be a piece of cake and a super easy adjustment.  For me, it was anything but that.  I struggled the first time there and I let it color my second chance there as well.  Our first time there was really a time that was challenging with Corey and I didn't even allow myself to put any roots down as it was very temporary, actually less than a year.  I look back at all of this and I think of how I let time really pass by and I let myself be robbed of chances for new friendships and joy that I missed out on.  The second time was way better than the first for a lot of reasons.  Pat had an incredibly flexible schedule in his 2 year position there.  We had an amazingly wonderful amount of family time.  It was truly a blessing.  Corey had much better school experiences and it was over all fairly easy and enjoyable.  I still really didn't allow myself to put down roots and grow friendships, I too knew this was temporary.  At the same time, we saw family quite a bit.  My mom works 30 minutes from where we lived and she would come eat dinner and spend the night quite often.  Corey had overnight trips to grandma's house a lot.  That created a certain amount of balance for us.  Corey was in horse riding lessons and had made several really good friends.  We really miss family, horse riding lessons (along with Tonya and her kids at the farm), and Corey's friends.  But I felt myself itching to move on for some reason.  Maybe because I didn't allow myself to put down roots.  Why I do this to myself, I am not really sure.  I think it must surely be a defense mechanism and a way of coping with the moving.

This time now with living somewhere completely different from Kansas, I am finding new challenges.  We have great neighbors.  Corey is involved in Cub Scouts and loves it!  We have found an awesome church.  Yet, Pat has a very full schedule and I am here all day trying to figure out exactly what it is that I am supposed to do.  Keep in mind, I know we are only here for a couple of years.  Do I dare put down roots?  I am now trying to break that cycle of thinking.  I am really trying hard.  I have met some really nice people and made some great new friends.  I am thankful for this.  I do not need to worry about whether I will get 1 or 2 years with them or if it will be a life long journey of close friendship.  That is my problem indeed, worrying to much about the unknown.  So in my quest to try to figure out exactly what it is I should do here, I have applied for a hand full of jobs.  I have received calls on 2 of them.  One would require me to be leaving my house at 5 AM to start the day and a lot of traveling.  It did sound like a really fun job, but I had to decline.  The other job I heard back from this week did not have hours that would work for me.  I am not sure my heart was really ready to take on the 2nd job to be completely honest.  I have several other jobs I am waiting to hear back from and during this time I have made some new friends and I have started a weekly bible study.  I am also getting to the gym consistently to exercise.  I am starting to feel a routine coming in to place and a bible study I am excited about.  Do I really want or need a job?  Is that really a part of figuring out what I am to do here in this place?  I don't know at this point. I am praying about it and trying to be obedient.  While I was in the car a few days ago and listening to Christian radio, I heard someone say, "While you are waiting for God to open a door, praise him in the hallway".  I then felt very convicted of my attitude and my mindset on where I am at and what I have been waiting for.  God wants me to praise him right now in the midst of what I am going through. He wants me to find joy and be thankful for him and what he is doing right where I am at and not miss what he has for me right here and right now.  I am starting to embrace where I am right now and remember that God has a plan for me even if I don't see right now.  

I have to tell you that the bible study I went to was very on target for my needs :)  I sat down in a group of other military wives who are a mix of emotions also.  We are doing a study called God Strong, written by a military wife Sarah Horn.  Apparently I am not alone in my feelings, thoughts and fears, there are others out there that feel similar to me.

Now I am looking at the D.C Metro and how crazy it feels to me and realize that there are a ton of other military wives out there in my same boat.  I am not alone and I am not crazy.  I am also feeling less crazy as time goes by.  I am feeling more at peace and feeling less like I have to be on a search for where I fit in.  I don't need to worry. God has a plan for me, I just need to trust him.