As most of you know, I have been sick in one way or another since the beginning of January. I started out with a sinus infection that lasted 2 1/2 weeks. I then got the flu while I also realized that the Lupus Nephritis I have had for 17 years had started to flare up. I have not had a flare up in 8 years. This totally took me by surprise. I had just been to my rheumatologist in November with excellent lab work results and everything looking wonderful. We believe that the sinus infection was the trigger for my lupus flare up. I have struggled with this flare up in more ways than one. I had in my head that I could be over it in a couple of weeks. Wow, was I wrong. It has been almost a month now and I am still fighting this flare up head on. I have had quite the mix of emotions about all of it from the beginning. It was shocking to me to realize that this could come on so sudden and also stay and mess with my life for so long. I have reminded myself that since it has been 8 years since a flare up, I really did forget what it was like to have Lupus Nephritis come and hit me head on and really work on my immune system. I look back and realize that the only 2 other times I have dealt with a flare up, 8 years ago and 17 years ago, I was super duper sick. We are talking weeks in the hospital with being sick and kidney biopsy each of those two times. It is quite a recovery process after a kidney biopsy too.
In all of this, I have come to realize that even though I was shocked this time by how fast it came on and how long it wants to stay around, I am still in a lot better shape than I was in either of my previous times. This is something to be thankful for. I could be in a hospital bed and not able to take care of my family. Instead I am at home and resting. That helps me to put things in perspective also. I feel like I haven't been able to physically do anything for over a month. I have taken more naps and rested more in a month than I most likely have in a whole year. But when I compare this to the option of being in the hospital, it really is not nearly as bad. It has been hard to not have more energy than it takes to get groceries and do a few other basic things. Needless to say, our house isn't all that tidy and some of our meals are less than great. But in all of this, God has slowed me down. I have focused on Him more than I was doing before I had this flare up. I have been going weekly to a bible study that has been very good for me and of course we get to church. I have had my good days and my bad days. The bad days require way more rest because they involve a lot more pain that is more difficult to tolerate.
I have also dealt with something new this round and if you are on my facebook, you already know this. But 2 of my medications being taken together has caused me acid reflux/GERD issues. I was sharing with my sister Melissa, (who is one of my best supporters and one who knows first hand what it feels like to go through chronic health issues and most recently recovered from a really bad round with her Chron's Disease which even had her in emergency surgery over her vacation) about the pain involved with the acid reflux/GERD before it was diagnosed. She asked me what my pain level was on a scale of 1-10. I immediately felt like she knows and understand pain and she feels for what I am going through to ask what level of pain I am going through. I told her it was a 9 on the pain scale. She asked me what kind of 9 it was and this led the discussion of how us McCrory girls are not wimpy. We have a very high tolerance to pain. We have both been through more pain than we have cared to, but it takes quite a bit of it to break us down. Thank you sis for understanding and asking. It means more than you know. It helps to have someone who has walked in my shoes, not that I would want anyone to, but it helps to know someone can feel for where I am at.
I am doing much better overall most days. But there are still some things that I will deal with for quite some time. I still have to wait for my kidneys to get back to a better place. I still deal with some pain, although the GERD has remarkably stayed away. I feel that has been mostly due to food choices and knowing what can trigger it. I deal with swelling all over my body, pain and stiffness in my joints. I don't sleep all the way through the night, most nights. I have a hard time breathing in the very early morning, so I lay asleep instead of getting up, trying to get a little more rest. I am very tired most days and yes I have better days that I can do more. I deal with shooting pains that happen at very random times in a leg, arm, my neck, etc. I deal with major hand cramps at very unexpected times. But in all of this I still choose to be thankful. Thankful that I have so many people that care, thankful that I don't personally know very many people that have to go through this type of a chronic illness (I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through this if they didn't have to), thankful that I have God right by my side (I can't imagine life with a chronic illness such without God. He brings peace I can't find anywhere else. He helps when I feel alone in the illness). I am thankful that if I have to go through this, that it is during the winter months. If I have to be swollen, it sure is good to have long sleeves and long pants to cover it all up. I am thankful for my family and their patience in all of this. My husband has been so patient, loving, and understanding. Corey has been great too. My mom and my sister and others have been so kind and loving as well.
I know I am on the road to recovery and so I choose to be thankful. Thank You to everyone who has offered kind words, prayers, and love during all of this. It means more than you will ever know.
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