Today I could have stayed home and worked on the house as I do have more energy. It was however a very nice and sunny day. I felt like today would serve me better with getting out and at least doing some window shopping and maybe buy something new if I found the right thing. I have not set foot in a store that was not just the grocery store since the beginning of January. I thought before I left about what exactly I would be on the look for when I was out today. I kind of forgot what it was like to go shopping. I have not done it in so long. I started out with returning a sweater to Macy's. I looked around Macy's for a while, but I didn't buy anything. Truth be known, I am still on 10 mg of prednisone and still carrying around some swelling and fluid from Lupus, so even though I kind of feel like I would really enjoy some new clothes, anything I would get right now would not be the size I plan to stay in. I did however end up buying 2 tops this afternoon. One was just a basic long sleeved v-neck black top at the Talbots outlet for really cheap. I know, boring, black and long sleeved. But it is stretchy and flattering and we still have some chilly days ahead and I have been rotating between the same 4 long sleeved tops for the last 2 months because of what I can fit in to right now. I most certainly deserve at least one more long sleeved shirt to get me through until I am back to my normal size and where I would like to be. That particular top, I believe will still work when I lose this extra weight and fluid that is hanging around. So it was a good purchase. I also bought a short sleeve lavender yoga top with a cute swirly design on it at BJ's Wholesale, again, not the size I would really like, but in all reality, it will warm up some and I know that I will not want to hang out only in long sleeve tops for another month. It is cute and it will get me by with a few other short sleeve tops I have that will work ok for now. I also got Corey's Chobani yogurt while at BJ's. It is his favorite and I had a $2 off coupon from BJ's. So it was really quite perfect timing for more of his yogurt. I had been getting by on what I could get cheap at the commissary for the last 2 months for his yogurt. He will be super excited that I have his favorite again.
I also went to the christian bookstore today. I have been like a sponge more so than usual that last couple of months with reading my bible and soaking in God's truth. I wouldn't be able to get through this in quite the way I have without doing so. I still find myself looking pretty ugly when I look back at some of my days in the past with all of this Lupus stuff. But in all of it, I know that God has worked in it and will continue to do so. God has given me grace where I have failed miserably and I am thankful for that. I never have had it all together and I never will. The best I can do is to keep following after God and keep learning more about him and who he is and what he has for me. In doing so, I found myself desiring a new bible. I got a bible that has the Message version and the NIV version side by side. Basically, two bibles in one. I need a lot of help understanding and the Message really helps me in that. I like the idea of being able to carry one bible and have both versions right along with me. I also got a new devotional book. I thought about getting the actual book to read, but felt the devotional more suited my needs at this time. Lysa TerkKeurst has a new book called Unglued, Making Wise Choices In the Midst Of Raw Emotions. I am sure the book is great and who knows, I may end up getting the actual book eventually, but today I opted for the 60 day devotional book. The original book is really what caught my attention. On the front of the book there is a picture of a lady with a purse over her head. Yep a purse! LOL! I would take a picture of my book to show you, but the devotional book has a completely different picture on it, she is only carrying the purse on front of the book I bought. This really caught my eye. I can so relate! It is kind of like having a paper bag over your head and burying and hiding yourself. Only this was a purse, so it looks really even more ridiculous. This devotional book will be good I am sure. But also in getting this book, I realized that I have done some growing. In the beginning of finding out that my Lupus was flaring up, I wanted to hide myself, cover myself up and just stay away from others. I didn't want anyone to see me with all this extra fluid and swelling and all the ick stuff that prednisone does. I could be hiding my head under a paper back or in my purse, but instead, I have gotten out when I can and when I have had the energy and made it to bible study consistently, knowing that the ladies there are not going to judge me, but pray for me. I have done my best to stay out of that position of hiding myself. This is a new way for me when it comes to handling emotions and my perception of myself. I would normally be so hard on myself and feel like everyone would view me as the big whale I see myself as right now. But I have not played in to those emotions much, at least if I have, I haven't camped out there. So I feel like this book was very much a book that just reached out at me. It was a book that had a picture on it that said, hey you could have camped out here, but you didn't.
And now because of that, I have something else to share. A song that speaks to where I am right now came on the radio and don't you just love when that happens! I put the lyrics below and it is very true! Before anything happens, it has to go through God's hands first and no matter what He will be there and help me through it. Just love this song!
It is called, No Matter What, By Kerri Roberts
I'm runnin' back to Your promises one more time
Lord, that's all I can hold onto
I've got to say this has taken my by surprise
But nothing surprises You
Before a heartache can ever touch my life
It has to go through Your hands
And even though I keep askin' why
I keep askin' why
No matter what, I'm gonna love You
No matter what, I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter what
No matter what
When I'm stuck in this nothingness by myself
I'm just sitting in silence
There's no way I can make it without Your help
I won't even try it
I know You have Your reasons for everything
So I will keep believin'
Whatever I might be feelin', that You are my hope
{ From: http://www.elyrics.net }
And You'll be my strength
No matter what, I'm gonna love You
No matter what, I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter what
No matter what
Anything I don't have, You can give it to me
But it's okay if You don't
I'm not here for those things the touch of Your love
Is enough on its own
But no matter what, I still love you
And I'm gonna need you
No matter what, I'm gonna love You
No matter what, I'm gonna need You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I'll trust You
I know that You can find a way to keep me from the pain
But if not, if not, I'll trust You
No matter what
No matter what
I know God doesn't want any of us to go through something such as a time of illness or any other hardship being unchanged by it. If we allow him to and we choose to involve him in our hard times, we grows and changes us. There is also comfort in knowing that it all has to pass through his hands first.
I had a fun day out today! I didn't come home exhausted which is a major bonus these days! I ate lunch at Pei Wei Asian Diner while I was out. It was just ok. But it was good to be out and eating somewhere other than at home. I got an iced venti tazo green tea with my Starbucks gift card from my mom that she sent for my birthday. Yes, finally feeling good enough to get out and use it! I enjoyed just being out and about. It was good to wander around and window shop and also get a few new things today!
I also heard from my mom today that she will be coming for a visit in April! Pat has to go on a trip for about a week and a half. She is going to come spend that time with Corey and I. It will be so good to see her :).
Keep checking back, I will be writing more in the near future. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings to share. Some of it will involve getting on the other side of a Lupus flare and I will continue to share my grateful heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment